Three Blind Spies
by Talking Hawk
Summary: Suspecting Rosie is having an affair, Frodo, Merry, and Pippin spy on her. No slash.


Three Blind Spies  
  
By Talking Hawk  
  
Author's Note: This story is loosely based on an episode I saw a long time ago of the television series "Bewitched." (smiles) All of us fanfic authors need a bit of inspiration every once in awhile.  
  
The bushes next to the party shook unnaturally, and a familiar hobbit walks alongside it. It is Frodo Baggins, who eyes the hedge with his clear blue curious eyes. It was nighttime, and the celebration in Hobbiton had just begun. It was the birthday of the new major, and "half the Shire was invited." It had been maybe a year and a half since the destruction of the ring, and the hobbit had been on his way to greet his three-month newlywed friend Sam and his wife Rosie when he happened upon the peculiar bush.  
  
"Pssst! Frodo!" the green leaves whispered to him. Frodo lifted a brown eyebrow, and leaned down on his knees as he inched towards the strange shrub. Suddenly, a white hand shot out between the leaves, and pulled the Baggins inside. "Frodo, it's us!" the voice said quietly. The hobbit looked up, and allowed his eyes to adjust to the darkness. He could now see the outlines of two hobbits' faces.  
  
"Good ev'ning, Frodo," a more high-pitched voice says. Frodo couldn't help but smile when he asserted, "Pippin, Merry, what are you doing in a bush?" He saw the outline of a pointing finger and a hand, and assumed it was Merry's. It pointed through the small opening that remained after the hobbit was dragged inside. Hesitantly, the hobbit peeked through the hole. Nothing surprised him; it was just Rosie outside. He was expecting the two to be spying on their two new crushes, Merry's Diamond and Pippin's Estella. Or was it the other way around? Frodo really didn't pay much attention to his cousins' love lives.  
  
He looked over his shoulder at the two with a disappointed expression on his face. If they were going to drag him into a bush and ruin his new clothes and clean hair, couldn't they at least show him something of interest? Merry explained, "Look at the man next to her." 'What man?' Frodo was about to ask out loud as he turned back to the peep hole, but he saw what Merry was indicating before the words could escape his lips. An older hobbit suddenly appeared at her side, possibly in his mid nineties. "Isn't that Doctor Metli?" the oldest of the three asked as he looked back over his shoulder for confirmation.  
  
Merry nodded. "They've been hanging about each other all WEEK!" he shouted quietly. Pippin nodded in agreement and said, "We think they're having an affair." "A WHAT?!" Frodo screamed much too loudly, and his cousins slapped their hands over his mouth until he calmed down. "You must be joking," he said, shaking his head. "I go over to the Gamgee house all the time, and Rosie and Sam look like they're so much in love…" He looked out the peephole again, and saw Rosie's smiling lips give the doctor a soft peck on the cheek. Frodo lifted an eyebrow, and turned back to the other two.  
  
The Brandybuck shrugged his shoulders. "It could be a love triangle. Like about a week ago, I was in love with Angela AND Estella, but then I decided to break it off with Angela…" He sighed with a dreamy smile on his face, but Pippin lifted an eyebrow. "Angela thought your name was Timothy," he pointed out innocently, and Merry glared at him. "It could happen to anybody…"  
  
"Back to Sam and Rosie," Frodo said, shaking his head. The other two returned their attention back to him. "What else makes you think she's having an affair?" "Pip," Merry said, holding out his hand, "bring forth the notebook." His younger cousin nodded, and withdrew a small notebook from his pants pocket. Upon being handed it, Merry began flipping through its pages.  
  
"7: 30 AM – Rosie leaves house, 7: 35 AM – Rosie walks into doctor's office, 8: 55 – Rosie leaves after giving doctor another smooth on the cheek." With that, Merry flipped the notebook closed and said, "Case closed. It's so obvious." Frodo stared quietly at him then inquired, "You've actually been SPYING on her?" "Well, it's not technically spying," Merry said, patting the cover of the notebook. "This is ALL in Sam's best interest."  
  
Frodo paused again. "…Have you told Sam about this?" Pippin and Merry shook their heads. "No, we thought we would get a bit more evidence before landing this blow on him," Merry assured the hobbit. Frodo's eyes narrowed, and he crawled out of the bush. After standing up and wiping the twigs, dirt, and leaves from his pants, he said down at the bush, "This is ridiculous. I'm not going to be a part of such a conspiracy." "Fine then!" shouted the bush irritantly as the hobbit walked off.  
  
A few moments later, Frodo found Sam sitting at a table by himself, sipping at an ale. Frodo smiled weakly as he sat down next to his old friend. "How are you doing?" he asked, hoping that the Gamgee wouldn't notice the slightly guilty look on his face. Without looking up, Sam shrugged his shoulders and lifted the cup to drink from again. After pausing for a moment, Frodo questioned, "How are you and Rosie?" Again, Sam shrugged.  
  
Frodo bit his bottom lip worriedly. Sam usually wasn't this quiet. "What's wrong?" he asked, and Samwise sighed softly. "Oh, I don't know." He lifted his hazel eyes up to his companion, who he trusted more than anybody else living. "Rosie's been acting peculiar lately… But I don't think you'd understand," he added carefully, trying not to make Frodo feel left out of the circle known as dating and marriage. "No, I think I have an idea…" Frodo said, shifting in his seat awkwardly.  
  
The other hobbit blinked confusedly at Frodo, but then smiled. Mr. Frodo was always trying to help. "Well, Rosie's just been kind of…distant," he explained, and Frodo nodded slowly, a worried expression growing on his face. Sam looked down at the brew in his cup and continued, "She kind of pushes me away whenever I try to…cuddle." Normally, Frodo would have put his head down on his arms and laugh, embarrassed at such a detail of marital life. But after having that conversation with Merry and Pippin, he only slumped in his chair, having the desire to crawl under a rock and die in peace. It was as if he was cheating on his own best friend.  
  
Sam laughed to himself, realizing he had embarrassed his friend. "I'm sorry," he said with a smile, taking another gulp of the liquid. "No, it's okay," Frodo lied weakly, and forced himself to sit up straight in his chair again. The Baggins gulped nervously, and inquired, "Well, why do you think she's acting that way?" Sam shrugged his thick shoulders, and responded, "Oh, I don't know. I would think that it's because of one of those 'girl problems'… But it's been over a week!" Frodo slumped in his chair again, racked with guilt. Again, his friend took it for embarrassment, and apologized good-humoredly once more.  
  
"Um," Frodo said hesitantly, standing up. Sam blinked up at him in curiosity. "I'll see you later, okay?" He dashed off none too politely, leaving his bewildered friend to his ale.  
  
A moment later, Merry and Pippin heard a loud "whoosh." To their astonishment, Frodo had jumped back into the bush, and was now strewn across their laps. After getting over the initial shock, Merry grinned and said, "Couldn't stay away, now could you?" Frodo smiled weakly, shook his head, and took up his post in front of the peephole. "I owe it to Sam…" he whispered, partially trying to convince his friends, and also to himself.  
  
* * *  
  
It had been a week since Frodo had aligned with the spying duo. Every morning the three would wake before dawn, take their positions in front of the Gamgee hobbit hole, and follow Rosie every night until ten. The lack of secure jobs allowed for such time to be devoted to the case, but to their disappointment, nothing much out of the usual happened – except that on the second day, after coming back from the market, she dropped a loaf of bread on the ground, and picked it back up after checking that no one was looking.  
  
"This is a waste of time," I told Merry as we watched the Gamgee door from behind some bushes across the street from the hobbit hole. I signaled for me to be quiet as the door opened, and out walked Mrs. Gamgee. "Let's go," he whispered as she began walking down the street. After several minutes of dodging behind trees, the three of us arrived at the clinic. We looked curiously at her standing on the porch, but thrust ourselves behind a rose bush as she looked suspiciously over her shoulder.  
  
A moment later, the door opened to reveal a smiling Doctor Metli. Rosie smiled as well, and entered the building. Pippin scowled and said, "I can't believe it. She's going in!" A few seconds later, the pair sat down on two chairs in front of the window. Their mouths moved silently for several minutes, and the three of us looked with agitation at each other. "I wish I knew what they were saying!" Merry hissed in annoyance. I nodded, and glanced back through the window. Rosie was hanging her head sadly, shaking her head and staring down at her folded hands in her lap.  
  
"Do you think we should break up?" Merry asked, impersonating Doctor Metli's deep voice. "No," he answered himself, his tone changing to the slightly higher pitched sound of Rosie's. I raised an eyebrow at him as he continued to narrate the scene. Dr. Metli's mouth moved, and Merry said, "We're going to have to tell someone eventually." To Frodo's shock, after Rosie sighed, she moved her lips to the words Merry said next: "I can't." Pippin noticed this too, and pointed at the woman. "You're right, you're right!" he shouted, in surprise and excitement at the same time. "She's saying what you're saying!"  
  
"Really?" Merry asked, then peered intently back at Rosie. After a moment, he coughed and sat up straight with pride. "Of course I was right." Frodo frowned, and inquired, "Well, now that we know that it's true, how are we going to tell Sam?"  
  
* * *  
  
"I don't think this is such a good idea…" Frodo said nervously, standing in front of the door of a restaurant they had followed Rosie to. They stood under the overhang as it began raining in the Shire. After peering in through one of its windows, they saw that she was sitting at a table in a small, secluded room in the back. It was quite extravagant for dinner.  
  
Merry glared at his older cousin and said, "We already discussed this, and we agreed that it would be better for us to confront her with the fact that we know, and have HER tell Sam." Pippin frowned just as worriedly as Frodo. The Brandybuck put his hands on his hips, and looked at the two in annoyance. "Don't tell me that you two are getting cold feet…" Pippin glanced down at his curly-haired feet, and responded, "They're actually quite warm…" Merry rolled his eyes. "Are you two with me or not?" After sighing, the two of them nodded and followed him through the door.  
  
The three of them walked through the restaurant, brushing past the waiters hurriedly rushing to and from and kitchen. When they walked into the small room with Rosie in it, they stopped in front of the table, and Merry set his hands on his hips the same way he had outside. The young Gamgee wife looked up at the trio, and blinked, startled. "Hello," she said, managing a small smile, "Merry, Pippin, Frodo." Frodo's shoulders lifted, attempting to swallow his neck at the mention of his name. He hung his head guiltily in the background as she asked, "I wasn't expecting to see you here."  
  
Merry glared down at the woman and said, "I'm sure you weren't." Then, after Rosie blinked once more at them, he said, "We know about you and the doctor." Her lovely eyes widened in shock, and after a moment, managed to whisper, "…Does Sam know?" Frodo winced once again as Merry bent over slightly to make her eyes level with his as he said, "No, it's your job to tell him." Rosie sighed and hung her head, staring at the twisted handkerchief in her nervous hands. This was too much for the Baggins' to take.  
  
With the guiltiest expression on his face, he stepped forward, bent down on one knee and took the hand of his friend's wife. "Oh, Rosie, I'm so sorry. I know we shouldn't have!" Rosie smiled weakly and shook her head. "I don't know how you ever found out, but you're right: I have to tell him." Frodo looked sadly into her eyes, and said, "I don't understand why you did what you did, but if I know anything, my friend loves you with all his heart." The hobbit squeezed her hand gently, and said, eyes twinkling with tears, "Just because of one mistake, he won't walk away from you."  
  
"'Mistake'?" she repeated in surprise. She opened her mouth to say something, but then turned her eyes to the doorway of the small room. Frodo followed her gaze, and saw a short, hooded figure standing there.  
  
"Get him!" Merry cried out, and he and Pippin pounced onto the man. The older of the two wrapped his arms around his neck from behind, trying to pull him down while Pippin ran into the hobbit's hip. Rosie gasped, and the brawling cluster of hobbits swayed in the doorway as the hooded man tried to maintain his balance. As Merry was attempting to choke him with one arm, his free hand clutched the man's hood, and whipped it off the back of the hobbit's head. IT WAS SAM!  
  
The two attacking hobbits stopped moving, and blinked at the Gamgee in surprise. After a long moment of silence, Pippin blinked and asked Rosie, "Why are you having an affair with your husband?" "A WHAT?!" Sam shouted as he freed himself of Merry's grasp, and shook his leg to free himself of the startled Pippin. "What on earth is going on?" he demanded from the two fallen hobbits, and the guilty-looking Frodo, who was still kneeling before Rosie.  
  
"So THAT'S what this is all about!" Rosie shouted with a small laugh. Sam frowned, thoroughly confused, but his wife gestured for him to sit down next to her with a smile. As her bewildered husband obeyed, she gestured the other three hobbits to sit at the table too. "I guess all four of you should hear this," she said with a smile, glancing at all their blank faces, then turning to Sam. She took his wet hand and pressed it lovingly to her cheek.  
  
"What is it?" he whispered hesitantly, a little nervous after his attack and this talk of affairs. His wife smiled her red lips, and said, "I'm pregnant." Frodo, Merry, and Pippin exchanged astonished glances, and Sam blinked his hazel eyes. "Oh…so that's all?" he said, and turned away, blinking some more. Rosie lifted an eyebrow as Sam stood up and asked, "Tea? Does anybody want tea? I'm going to get some tea."  
  
Rosie chuckled softly, and grabbed her husband's trembling arm, and tugged him back into his seat. "I don't think you heard me," she said, smiling as she hugged her husband. "I'm P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T, pregnant!" His eyes flashed, as if suddenly coming out of a daze. "P-pregnant?" he stuttered, turning to her in excitement. "You mean we're going to be…?" She grinned, nodding her head enthusiastically.  
  
"I'M GOING TO BE A FAAAATTTHHHHEEERRRR!" he shouted with joy so loudly that everyone in the restaurant, Hobbiton, the Shire, and possibly the rest of Middle Earth heard. Frodo grinned and bounced in his seat. Even though now he was half-deaf, his friend was going to be a father! He exchanged pleased glances with his two cousins; the three spies' job was done. 


End file.
